Veridis Quo a Modern Man
The annual semester review. I usually save this for my O so special journal. But I figured since I’m keeping it real with ya’ll I thought I would post here anyways. First and foremost my personal album of the year is
St.Vincent- Marry Me
Its not my numero uno just because I’m a melodramatic teenager at heart. But because Annie Clarks voice and lyrical nature is on that I envy and wish to one day attain (sans the voice, homeboy dont sing). The whole album takes you a weird journey. You’ll have to give it a listen yourself, I dont do much album reviewing albums.
This year I started getting serious about embracing my creative side. I mean, I always try and draw this and write that. But I never fully commit to it. I have a problem with half-assing stuff. So I buckled down and I got to work. First was Attitude of Progress which was this lit mag I had started to work on. last winter I feel in love with literature again. And my favorite poet Derrick Brown during on of his shows with the poetry revival got up and spoke from his heart for 5 minutes. He talked about Humanities innate fear of rejection and how that demotivates us from pursuing our hearts desires. I’ve taken that to heart this year. For the past 3 - 4 years I’ve been emotionally distant from everything. I was heading down a shitty path, that ended in a Charles Bukoswki like mediocrity. So this year I’ve been purposefully putting my self in all that I do.
So AoP was my first big attempt at a project in sometime. We got two issues in and it collapsed. At first I was sipping a glass of my own self pity. But I realized that I had to commit to a project that required me starting it. So I started my own web-comic Fun With Bunny. It’s been great doing it because I feel free to just draw random stories that one page long and not focusing on perfection. Now I’m actually sitting down writing a script for my first graphic novel attempt. Even better is I’m working on several that branch of that.
I’m also rededicated myself to writing which is great. So far I’ve actually finished several short stories I started which as a huge leap for me. Even better I’ve put together a lot poetry this year and I’m even doing slams and performances.
New rule for the year: Don’t start something with a group a people, unless you are fully committed.
Now let me rant about forensics for a while. Dear God. So last seasons end was great because as a team we took 6th in the nation, thats a three rank leap from my freshman year. But there I was a nationals quarter-finalist my freshman year and not breaking my sophomore. I felt so damn useless that I couldn’t barely justify celebrating that night. But now in this season I’m noticing that if shift my focus with forensics and work the same way I did freshman year. I can achieve the same success; if not better. This year I’m actually starting out way better. I have speeches I like. I got my impromptu swag back. And I even got a new suit that I am in love with!
Speaking of love. Lets review this year in relationships….or should I say relationship and failed attempts at them. I will not use any names but instead us pseudonyms. They will be (Franny, Wings)
Franny
Beautiful, artistic, carries the worst traits of me. I met Franny freshman year. From the first night we spent watching people form the 4th floor of Sellers in their drunken stupor try to sneak back into the dorms I knew I was in love. However I’ll admit I’ve been coy about the idea. I mean Franny and I spent a lot of time fearing what would tear us apart, and so we broke up just because we knew it was inevitable. So this year. Franny calls me. We haven’t spoke in months. And I mean months. We get together for coffee and catch up. It was like reattaching a limb. Everything felt right again. I had one of my best friends back. Then she drops the love bomb on me. Now brief history of Marc’s relationships no girl as ever told me she loves. So when she said it I just shut down. I told her I couldn’t love her because she brought out the worst me. The truth was the opposite, I like that she brought out the worst in me, she forced me to confront it. We havent spoken sense. But I currently I’m working up the gull to talk to her again.
Wings
So I’m not the biggest fan of Ohio, let me start with that. However one thing that Ohio produced that I am happy for is Wings. She is probably the most emotionally childish person I know, but some with so much unconditional love to give that world will one day drown in it. Anyways log story short. She and I meet through a friend. I fell for her. She just got out of a bad kinda relationship and she was sour at the world. She took up drinking, would get drunk, angry and start to cry. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. One night at 3 in the morning I saw her explode. It was jarring, she was first of all a hot mess. But also in this vulnerable state of unhappy. She apologized to me for not being able to open up to me with tears streaming down her eyes. I wanted to tell her that she had nothing to worry about. Anyways, she started dating this guy for a while that I didn’t like. We stopped talking for a while, now we’re friends again, which is just as great as a relationship to me.
This years lessons on relationships. Let me tell you what it is. It’s don’t worry about it. Don’t affection ruin a friendship. When I look back now to past relationships, I realize what I miss the most isn’t the intimacy of the relationship with the person. I miss them as a friend. Because I only date people I feel I are like best friends me, I realized that I have lost a few good friends due to either my childish behavior after a relationship, or just the inability to communicate.
Anyways this year has been long…tedious, but eventful. And I wish I could sit here type out the whole epic year. But I wont do that to you. Instead I’ll just note, that every day you can progress to where you want to be. So do it, because being stuck in one place in no way to live a life.
